Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My life is pants optional.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
