forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
