Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
