I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
