We're like a lot better than the average bears
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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