im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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