New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
