Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
