The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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