I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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