found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
