Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
