We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
