She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
