I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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