chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
