HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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