after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
smell my finger.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
