This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
