it was like eating out sand paper
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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