This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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