I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Even my vagina gasped.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
