What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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