I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Alive.
So much puke
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
