angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
