i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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