I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
