Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
