I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize