Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
