currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
