You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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