I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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