I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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