had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
