yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
