i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
