there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize