I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
