After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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