I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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