Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
