I just cut my nipple shaving
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want nice things and good sex
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
