Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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