Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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