And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
