worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
