wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
