oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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