i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
