Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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