just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
