thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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