we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
