my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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