I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
