After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
