So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this is an emotional support booty call
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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