Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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