I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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