You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
