I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize