Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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