I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
