I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
