He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
