I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
