People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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