I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
