Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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