Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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