I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
