so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
