wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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