y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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