i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
