Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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