I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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