she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
