WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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